Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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