I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
