Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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