the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
