I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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