Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
