she looked like the before picture.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
