Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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