i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I want to be your penis for a week.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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