I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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