so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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