yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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