I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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