Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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