its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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