I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
