just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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