The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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