He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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