When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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