Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
