I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
