I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
