wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
this hospital has no fireball
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The Olympian is in my bed
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