Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think my vagina is haunted
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
