I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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