Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
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Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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