I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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