take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
