We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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