I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
