if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When are your genitals available?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize