He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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