Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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