We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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