there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
should my penis look like a turkey
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize