you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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