Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
