two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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