I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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