I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
