New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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