hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
