you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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