You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
