Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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