remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
