Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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