forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
40s are totally the cure
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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