My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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