Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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