I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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