i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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