Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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