You really coming over, don't trick.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
