I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
