if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
