Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
