he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
