last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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