An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
