You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
