I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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